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Sunday, April 16th, 2006
4:12 pm - long time no write
so yea my gf said i have to update this so i am ... im in Ohio right now i just recently got a place to live on my own and im on probation... thats the quick summary... I have a gf that i love very much her name is Chrystal and she lives in Indiana.... shes gonna be staying with me starting this weekend for the next week or so... im so excited.... I love you Chrystal, with all my heart and soul, you are my reason for being and i would die without you...

current mood: loved

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Sunday, June 23rd, 2002
9:11 pm - long day
i think its still saturday but its 8:12pm sunday...aaaaaahahhhhhh no sleep!!!!!! and sooo cracked out... i was soooo faced and soo high... and all with no money.... thats a good thing i think for me anyway....

well lets start from the begining of these past few days....friday was pretty much online day all day looking for jobs and going to a school and looking at certificate programs...

Saturday thoug i finally got my car back and on the road... so i called mel and took her to the muni and i went even though i wasthreatened not to go... i went got in and i got fucked up all with no money whatsoever.... well i brought my own weed and i went round asking everyone for money fr a pill.... i think the line i used was... "I'm collecting for the help Donald get out of a funk because he had to move back in with his parents fund. Do you have a buck or two you could spare?"... so yeah just a finally start to roll i get a big suprise punch in the shoulder by kira...yeah im rolling and my ex whom i still want to be with shows up...for some reason seeing me and kira together i think pissed a popple off...

then we went to an after party at Momma Jocelyn's house in middletown... like a whole ontourage we got lost meeting at a gas station from the muni.. we lost kira =^( sje was supposed to cum too ... i wanted to spend a little more time with her.... but im gonna have ehr over this week....but thats gonna be talked bout later....

so yeah i didnt get home till bout 5:30 this evening...here it is sunday i thought sarah was gonna reschedule a thing we had with her parents so i didnt come home till late... i called but noone answered and so i left a message... i come home to mom and sarah in the kitchen and reading a not on the board saying that the thing wasnt reschuled... oh boy... so i had to shower and get changed so i didnt go over and meet ehr parents all scuzzy and looking so totally cracked out... i mean no sleep and coming down off of all the drugs??? theres only so much a guy can do and dealing with her parents just wasnt something i was prepared for... but that was more painless than i had expected... and i finally got through that...

that leads me to now and here and tomorrw though wednesday...now and here im writing in this stupid journal...tomorrow through wednesday ive got my moms house and dog to myself a 3 story 1 family house... i hate being in it alone so i think im gonna have some people over... and kira said shed stay with me for a night... so.... well i think thats all i can think of to write for now therell be more later.......

current mood: exhausted

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Thursday, June 20th, 2002
8:38 pm
6 Bands You've Seen Live:
1. Billey Joel
2. Tone Loc
3. City High
4. O Town(only cause i worked it)
5. Rockapella
6. B.B. Mack(only cause i worked it)

8 Things You're Looking Forward To:
1. One Nation
2. Spending time with my few friends
3. Rave Day
4. Getting a recording contract
5. Money
6. sex
7. Nov 2nd
8. Meeting all 3 kims together

7 Things That Annoy You:
1. lying
2. cutting my hair
3. moving
4. people
5. life
6. my family
7. not having a car

6 Things You Touch Every Day:
1. money
2. Elvis
3. a computer
5. my phone
6. my bed

5 Things You Do Every Day:
1. wake up
2. drink
3. brush my teeth
4. call people
5. eat

4 People You'd Want to Spend More Time With:
1. popple
2. mel
3. kymme
4. ryn

3 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over:
1. rocky horror picture show
2. matrix
3. Men in Black

5 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment:
1. lady in red - Chris De Berg
2. broken wings - Mister Mister
3. Jack and Diane - John Mellencamp
4. If I Had A Million Dollars - Bare Naked Ladies
5. stairway to heaven- led zepplin

1. someone that loves me and that i love. thats a hard one

1. What facial feature do you find the most attractive on others?: eyes
2. Would you vote for a woman candidate for president?:why not
3. Would you marry for money?: depends on how much
4. Have you had braces?: nope i wuz supost 2 tho
5. Do you pluck your eyebrows?: no
6. Do you ever cut or hurt yourself?: once in a while
7. When was the last time you had a hickey?: a couple weekz ago
8. Could you live without a computer?: ummmmmm no i dont think so
9. Do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list etc..?: yupperz
10. If so, how many people are on your list(s)?: 163
11. If you could live in any past time period, which would it be?: midievil
12. Do you drink enough water?: ewwwww water
13. Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off?: shoes?? i dont need no stinkin shoes
14. What is your favorite fruit?: grapes
15. Do you eat wheat bread or white?: wheat
16. What is your favorite place to original sin: newhere ne time
18. Do you kiss on the first date?: of course
19. Are you photogenic?: ewwww no cameras r evil!!
20. Do you dream in color or black and white?: color..
21. Are you wearing fingernail polish?: nope
22. Do you have any dimples?: i dont think so you tell me
23. Do you remember being born?:thankfully no
24. Why do you take surveys?: cuz theyre there
25. Do you drink alcohol?: ooohhh yeah...chick chicka chickaaaaa
26. Did you like or do you like high school? what high school you talking bout i dont remember.
27. What is the most beautiful language?: french
28. When you are asleep do you like being kissed awake?:dont know anyone care to try?
29. Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most?: sunsets
30. Do you want to live to be 100?: as long as i dont age
31. Do you think women should be expected to shave their body hair?: i dont ewxpect them to
32. Do you like salty food or sugary food the most?: yes
33. Is a flat stomach important to you?: no not really
34. Do you or have you played with a Ouija board?: yup..
35. Are you loyal?: i try to be
36. Are you tolerant of other people's beliefs?: yes, people should believe wut they want...just dont push ur beliefs on me
37. When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?: off...
38. Do you believe in magic?: yes
39. Do you have nightmares frequently?: dont know
40. Do you like your nose?: shrugs
41. Do you like abstract art?: yes
42. Do you think you can draw well?: nope not at all
43. Do you listen to music daily?: all day long
44. Do you like to watch cartoons?: of course! who doesnt?
45. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real?: what do you mean hes not real... of course hes real
46. How many pairs of shoes do have in your closet?: i have no idea...i hardly wear em
47. Do you like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like a variety?: normally same
48. Do you write poetry?: yah i love poetry
49. Do you snore?:only when i sleep on my back...then get som heavy duty earplugs
50. Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides?: toss and turn toss and turn
51. Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?: how bout a rotti/poodle??
52. Do you lick stamps?: who licks stamps anymore? theyre all stickers now
53. Do you use an electric can opener?: sumtimes
54. Have you ridden in a hot air balloon?: no =(
55. Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?: emotional pain...but normally emotional pain turns in2 physical pain after awhile newayz...so its all the same i guess
56. Do you think balding men should shave their heads?: sup to them
57. Do you know anyone who is clinically depressed?: yes lots of people...including me
58. Do you prefer a piano or a violin?: yes
59. Are you a sex addict?: sex of course ill have sex when and where r u offering?
60. Do you know someone who has cancer?: yes is sad =^(
61. Do you hunt?: no havent had the chance
62. Do you like fast food joints, or expensive restaurants?: both
63. Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?: zoo 1 day art museum the next
64. Do you have a middle name?: yup its a state capitol
65. Are you basically a happy person?: ummmmmm nope
66. Are you tired?: yup
67. Did you drink anything with caffeine in it today?: lots adn lots of soda
68. Have you ever met anyone off the Internet?: yes
69. How many phones do you have in your house?: 2 or 3
70. How long is your hair?: just got it cut =^(
71. Do you get along with your parents?: on occasion
72. What color of eyes do you prefer?: either blue or green
73. Are you an active person?: i try not to be
74. What medications do you take?: mdma, ketimine...oopps i forot theyre not perscribed
75. What does your bedroom look like?: I have a bedroom??? nice of someone to tell me

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Wednesday, June 19th, 2002
11:17 pm - Moving On Yet Again
Well for those of you that dont konw yet I've moved (got kicked out) from rockville. So I got all my stuff today and left like i was so kindly told to.....aaahh ok..... anywho... i need to get my car fixed... i need to get a job... i need to go back to school.... i need to get my life back on track.... but i also need to not be alone... or lonely... shrugs...

i dont know how im gonna do it but im gonna do it all...

i dont know if im gonna be able to go to Naughty Playpen or anything else im planing to go to and it sucks big balls... i dont want to have to give up my life cause of all the bullshit that follows me round...

i dont think people realise i try as best as i can to adapt to the world as it is but after years of residentialization and forced psychotherapy i dont have and never really got the same people skillz as most other people do while going to normal public schools... its hard to adjust and i tell people things as i see it... i dont try to start shit it starts me... sighs...

im def going to be a father so i guess eventually it means the end and growing up... i think im going to try to be both kid and adult seehow it works.... see if it can work... well ill write more tomorrow

current mood: annoyed

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Friday, June 14th, 2002
5:25 pm - grr
DRAMA!!!!! i am going to stay out of it this time out of all of it! i need to or im gonna go nuts....

Here it is Friday again and here i go to the muni yet again...grr when will i learn my lesson... i need to stop going for a while i think i will after the 22nd so i can save some money....

I had an interview yesterday with Applebee's hopefully i can be re hired...

Sighs i don't know what to think or do any more i found that i do ahve feelings for someone i swore i didnt have them for but i fucked it up and i want to make it right... i want to try again.... how do i fix it... how do i make it right...how can i get her to trust me again...ok some are prob wondering what the fuck but i talked to her for 3 ro 4 hours this morning and i realised that i want to fight i want to try....

sighs...i hope i get fucked up tonight... i hear random is gonna be there so i am gonna see if i cant get anything off of him if hes carrying... if not then ill just have to settle with getting high... and hopefully drunk too... sighs am gonna start cutting soon maybe pain will get rid of depression.... ...ill write more when i can

current mood: melancholy

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Sunday, June 2nd, 2002
11:00 pm - sick
I FEEL LIKE SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!im so sick...someone kill me im not in a verry good mood...grrr ...life sucks... please someone just hit me upside the head with a 2x4... put me out of my misery...i wanna chill with a popple for a bit tomorrow im gonna tyry to i think after she gets out of school... i need to tlak to her and just get things straight, or try to, in both of our lives...but i gonna go ill write more tomorrow

current mood: sick

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Friday, May 31st, 2002
2:39 am - so tired
::UGH:: im tired so tired of everything from love to lofe i really just dont want to deal with it any more...im ready to brake a promise i made to someone cause im so tired...

i just wnt to dissapear and shit and fall off the face of the earth... i know im rambling but damn...

so yeah i think me and Kira broke up i can fuck any girl i want she says.... oh and i have to tell her wat my definition of moganamy is..untill i do i believe i heard her say shes "a single white female"...

im talking to this really cute girl from tx right now...she wants me to go visit her...maybe i will...::sighs::...i dotn know i think i just want alot of pussy to eat right now and not much else..am not interested in sex...except for that...

i want drugs...its getting to the point where im actually thinking of trying dangerouse shit if offered....::sighs::..i dont know what to do anymore ive been focusing on helping everone else and not on myself..and now its all bighting me in the ass....

my paranoia has been acting up a hell of alot lately too... i cant trust anyone and i hear/feel people talking shit behind my back... plotting against me and then my mind tells me to just do them all the favor of getting out of their lives once and for all...::sighs:: am gonna go and work on my page a bit ill write more later....

current mood: thoughtful

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Sunday, May 26th, 2002
1:41 am - grr
well i bladed home from work again tonight...it was COLD!!!

amber is trying to get me to find a ride to middle town to go to a house party but i cant find anyone and i dont feel like arguing bout it...am beat and sore

i cant wait till i have money for drugs that way i can get fucked up when i want to...i so need to get fucked up...sighs...

i think if i keep up blading home i might actually get into shape though....grr im gonna go

current mood: grumpy

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Saturday, May 25th, 2002
1:24 am - Pissed
ok where to start...well i just got home from my first full night at work to find noone home they all went out to party....and left me to sit home and twiddle my damned thumbs...


yeah so i bladed most of the way home so now im beat and im gonna go take a bat you want to talk to me you know my #

current mood: drained

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Friday, May 24th, 2002
1:47 am
ive updated my profile all and i put a new web page addy up in it everyone go look


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1:29 am - LIFE SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok so i havent written in a while but thats because i havent been able to get online lately... i got a job for all to know i am now an evening cashier for the christmas tree shops... parties are pretty much out of the picture for me for now for cash and transportation reasons....


life is so confuing lately...Sarah called me this mornin and told me her first gyno appointment is on the 5th but then she started to cry... i dont know why she wouldnt tell me she said she wished it was her parents but its not and she said not to worry bout it...anyone who knows me knows that thats the worst thing to tell me to do cause then you know im gonna worry bout it...so now im thinkin something might be wrong with the kid...ah well shell tell me sooner or later.....

i like kira but i never get to see her and it is really frustrating me gods i wish my car were working it would make my relationships so much easier...and if anyone whos reading this and talks to her on a regular basis and is calling her tellin her you need to talk to her bout me at least get my fucking name right before you tell her all sorts of shit...fyi i didnt go to a hotel after-party after the muni the other night...GRRRRRRR

i miss my mel and my amber ive grown away from themn since i moved in here i dont talk to the but i do still care for them i told you girls i will always love you...sighs... i wish i could afford drugs right now i need to get seriously fucked up...then again i am seriously fucked...in the head anyway....gods i hate my life i wish it would all end and everything go smoothly for me...grrr..am gonna go ill write more later

current mood: irritated

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Wednesday, May 15th, 2002
12:01 am - now then.....
well here it is im in torrington right now and i went and talked to sarah last nigth and this morning and she has decided to keep the baby... so now im scared shitless i dont know what to do... i mean ill support her as i can and ill be there for the child as much as i can... but theres only so much i can do... hopefully it'll be easier once i get my car fixed... i will be a better father than mine though that i will swear on my life... i hope the song that just came on is true for me as my child grows

on a brighter note i get to see Kira on thursday and ill gget to talk shit out with her and straighten things out.... i do care for her but its funny shes the first person i really haven't fallen for within the first month... then again thats probably cause i hardly see her

oh yeah the pants ive been working on since october are finally almost done im gonna give them to popple on friday for the candikid contest... they ar NICE!!! but im gonna go ill write more later

current mood: scared

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Wednesday, May 8th, 2002
10:29 pm
Well Sarah is bout 8 weeks pregnant she called and told me this morning...talk about still freaked.... she tells me shes going to have an abortion by the end of the month... i don't know what to do or think... i mean neither of us can afoord it emotionaly or financially so in that respect its a good thing.... but you know i just dont know...im so confused and lost now....

on another note i got to chill with a popple today while looking for a job at the mall... i got an interview at Hops for tomorrow so i hope that goes well... then i think im going to chill with a popple after that again...i have missed talking to her she is my best friend and about the only one i really trust with any amount of trust.... it really hurt when we stopped talking because i started going out with Kira...but now were tlaking again so thats good

i need to find a job!!!!!!! am gonna go crazy if i stay in this house much longer i cant stand doing it...sitting aorund doing nothing and listning to the fighting all day... mostly cause i had no way f seeing but now i do my eyes are healde...YAY... and i can use my contacts again...

but i have to go ill write more tomorrow

current mood: confused

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12:13 am
well just as i think my life cant get any worse i go and get news the im gonna be a father!!!...GGGRRRRR......so ive been freaking out all day.....right about now i just wanna curl up in a ball and dissapear from the rest of the world.... was sooo tempting to take a razor and just slash and slash and slash cause i was so freaked.....i dont know what im gonna do... i cannot afford to have a kid..... finanically and emotionally i cannot afford it.....ill know for certain tomorrow but grrr....am scared can anyone blame me???

current mood: scared

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Tuesday, May 7th, 2002
12:08 am
ok grrr life officaly sucks.... then again i start to thinkn that every time i watch what dreams may come.... am depressed i dont know whats going on any more and then ambers getting into another funk sheesh i love here and wish she knew that deep down in her heart and that i would do anything to help her.... though sometimes i think im jsut a joke to her... for that matter i get the feeling that im just a joke to most people i just have this feeling that everybody is talking shit bout me behind my back and laughing at the fact that i dont get it.... i need help but i dont trust anyone to give it to me.....sighs..... and now im hearing storys already bout my current relationship bout supposedly its being said how were not really together and that we hardly even fuck around.... i heard shes saying that to other and i dont know what to believe anymore im so damned confused..... i think im gonna go and write more tomorrow ..................

current mood: confused

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Saturday, May 4th, 2002
11:08 pm
Well is a been a long time since Ive written in this damned thing so here goes... in general outline. Basicaly I've been killin myself lookin for a job and partying but I think I'm done partying. I mean through partying I've lost my glasses and got two scratched corneas. But on the upside I got a girlfriend, her name is Kira, shes good its jut me parinoia that makes me think that for some reason its not going to work. I really do care bout her I just dont know how to show much in the way of feelings or enthusiasm and for some reason I think that it dissapoints her. ::sighs:: I would like this relationship to truly last but I just don't know. I dont know what to do so I'll just have to wait and see. well ill write more later.

current mood: pessimistic

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10:02 pm
Paranoid:Very High
Schizoid:Very High
Schizotypal:Very High
Borderline:Very High
Dependent:Very High

-- Click Here To Take The Test --

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Saturday, April 27th, 2002
10:31 am

take the death quiz.

and go to mewing.net. laura = great.

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10:22 am
You're Crunchie!
You're sweet at first, but like all good things, people get sick of you after a while. One good (or bad, depends how you look at it) thing though: you're not available in the US.

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10:18 am
I am a washing machine!

what kitchen utensil are YOU?

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